Assignment 003 [Video]

[diedinnewyork]

[Have a video barge, from down in zero. The comedian has gone through every magazine he could, tossed them aside and is leaning back against the wall trying to focus.]

Since none of you seem to understand the concept of irony, I'm willing to be magnanimous. I'm hedging my fucking bets here that if none of you see the concept of irony on this goddamn hellhole you won't know what magnanimous means. All the same.

I would like to know, if you're willing to share, what brings you or what brought you here.

[He makes a gesture with his hands, indicating inviting people in to speak. a small "Please continue" to the world.]

Because if you spend enough time reading over this fucking network it reads less like a prison of any kind and more like a goddamn half-assed teenage soap opera written by a bunch of in-bred agoraphobic social misfits too busy dreaming of being fucked by a bunch of attractive people who they wouldn't have a shot with outside of their own sick imaginations.

This is the network as a hole, the two days I was holed up in my fake fucking apartment. [He clears his throat and adopts mimicking tones. Each one's appropriate to the setting and might be reminiscent of characters on the barge.]

"Oh hell. I've suddenly broken a fucking nail and I cannot continue to function."

"My life is worthless and without meaning. This place has reduced me to a shallow fucking stereotype of myself and who I am."

"I'm a pompous asshole full of comical airs about myself. I'm most likely hiding a deep dark secret like a hidden fucking gay affair or communist fucking leaning and I have not made my peace with that."

"I have a stick up my ass the size of Texas and just as unruly."

There are maybe three of you, three of you who have your heads on straight. The rest of you really ought to look around and ask yourselves if there isn't something fishy about all of this. It's a moot fucking point either way.

[And Eddie looks decidedly lost.] ...It's all a fucking joke even if the rest of you assholes are too dumb to see it.

Either let me out or get me a new magazine. I'm bored as fuck down here.


Content Warning For: potential racism, intolerance, mocking homosexuality, mocking various barge presonas.

Comments

[Private]

[yeahscience]

I killed a guy. That's why I'm here.

[He's past the pretension of trying to hide it. Fuck it.]

Re: [Private]

[diedinnewyork]

Did he deserve it?

[He could almost be a soldier. Maybe.]

[private]

[aggravating]

[Filtered because fuck everyone knowing his life story.

But hey, he'll bite. He's about... 97% sure he's one of the sane guys Eddie's talking about here]

I'm flaying my liver alive, have an issue with authority, care first and foremost about myself, and don't play well with others.

Or so I'm told.

Re: [private]

[diedinnewyork]

[Stark you get a cookie. Or a half naked chick. Which one do you prefer.]

Son, given the presidents that I have known. [pause] President I've known with a resume like that you'd sure as shit be a better man then him.

[Video]

[slayage]

[Well hey there guy who killed me.]

So, what category do you think you fit in?

Re: [Video]

[diedinnewyork]

[Amused smile] You're awfully pretty when you're not upset.

This isn't about me.

[with_my_teacup]

Mostly I think it was the murder.

[Riddick is sprawled on his hotel bed, communicator gripped loosely; not the most luxurious setting, but compared to Zero it's palatial.]

A few grand-theft-spacefaring-craft. Assault. Flight from justice... murder, murder murder, manslaughter, and murder.

Why. What brings your charming ass.

[diedinnewyork]

Murder for what, profit? For yourself?

[umgekehrt]

The most spectactular romantic failure I've seen lately was yours, so welcome to being the gossip.

[diedinnewyork]

It's what bitter cynical old men do, get with the program.

[ourlastbesthope]

You're mostly right.

[diedinnewyork]

About which part?

[paradoxlol]

You're certainly committed to your theme.

[diedinnewyork]

World goes one of two ways. Humanity is a joke or it isn't. Until I see otherwise I will by default lean toward it being hilarious.

Who the hell are you?

[Video]

[hourglass_twin]

Hm...I was unaware that you were so self-aware as to include your own post among those you are mocking. I don't know what 'communist' means, but my curiosity remains. Is it the affair, or the communist leaning in your case?

As for me, I am here for my lust for power and my willingness to harm anyone to get what I want.

Re: [Video]

[diedinnewyork]

Only a fool doesn't own up to his own mistakes. That's why he's called a fool.

Long pause and I ain't a fucking communist. Come down to my cell and say that you grimy creepy fucker.

[thestarspangledman]

I'm pretty certain that's the point.

But I'm here to help people.

[diedinnewyork]

That it's supposed to be a soap opera?

[chlorophylliac]

'Life's a meaningless joke, your so-called struggles are pathetic and I'm the only one who sees it'?

Congratulations. You're about as enlightened as the average disaffected high school student.

[diedinnewyork]

[And the comedian looks, suddenly. Very interested.]

Well you're not the first woman to have told me something along those lines. You might be the prettiest, but honestly what good will education do me when humanity's a twisted lump of horror and nasty?

[ichoosefight]

I hate to admit it, but that actually sounds about right. In general.

[diedinnewyork]

Bitching and Kavetching and whining like a bunch of girls with their panties in a knot.

[timesbureaucrat]

Congratulations on knowing a multisyllabic word.

For someone complaining about the content of the network, you certainly do little to elevate it.

[Narvin ignores the question of what brought him here.]

[diedinnewyork]

[He snorts]

What can I say my fourth grade class did pretty well. Great educational system. Should see what happens when you reach high school. You're building robots and shit. [He graduated from high school however. He might have even been good at it. Except. Anger management issues]

Private.

[an_abomination]

I see your search for finding a purpose has been going well.

Private.

[diedinnewyork]

[The comedian looks annoyed.]

It's looking for a purpose. I want to know where these people are going and what they are doing.

video;

[thrawn]

Most prisons do not allow for this level of communication between prisoners. If we were in a more traditional prison, there wouldn't be a network, and you wouldn't have it for entertainment.

Re: video;

[diedinnewyork]

Is that so?

Did you do time?

[maybebatman]

You'd prefer a proper prison?

[diedinnewyork]

Some days when this self-indulgent help me help me pity crap gets too much.

Mostly this whole exercise is fucking hilarious.

[love_slave]

Life isn't fair. For anyone. Were you ever expecting it to be?

[diedinnewyork]

No. I find the whole thing funny.